Before he died, Stanley Kubrick created some of the most iconic films ever made, pushing the boundaries of what cinema is capable of. Even if you haven’t seen the likes of A Clockwork Orange or Full Metal Jacket, it’s impossible to ignore the impact that Kubrick’s movies have had on .
When you think of his films though, which Kubrick characters stand out the most? Is it Dave from 2001: A Space Odyssey? What about who fights to survive in The Shining? No; it’s always the likes of Hal and who steal the spotlight with their twisted characterisation and darkly memorable lines.
Now it’s our turn. Did someone treat you badly or just piss you off for no good reason? Here are 10 villainous quotes from Stanley Kubrick movies that will help you deal with those tricky obstacles that plague us all in everyday life.
1. For when your squad makes you pay a cover charge and then wants to leave the club after 10 minutes.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: “From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be “Sir”. Do you maggots understand that?”
2. For when your boss catches you running off to the toilet every five minutes to play Pokémon GO at work.
HAL: “I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.”
3. For when you’re on an awkward first date and they want to take things to the next level.
Alex: “No time for the old in-n-out, love, I’ve just come to read the meter.”
4. For when Mr. Grady suggests a cheeky Netflix and Chill session at his place.
Jack Torrance: “There’s nothing I look forward to with greater pleasure, Mr. Grady.”
5. For when you’re chatting on Tinder and want to clarify a few things before you meet.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: “I bet you’re the kind of guy that would f**k a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.”
6. For when you eat Dave’s last Pringle and he’s threatening to slaughter your entire family.
HAL: “Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.”
7. For when someone takes the last parking spot and you’re already five minutes late for work.
Jack Torrance: “I’m not gonna hurt ya… You didn’t let me finish my sentence. I said, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just going to bash your brains in! Gonna bash ’em right the f**k in!”
8. For when your Dad catches you slapping your brother because he’s being a d**k.
Alex: “You needn’t take it any further, sir. You’ve proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I’ve learned me lesson, sir. I’ve seen now what I’ve never seen before. I’m cured! Praise god!”
9. For when your friend is making you late for that Drake concert because they can’t decide what mascara to wear.
Jack Torrance: “You’ve had your whole f**king life to think things over, what good’s a few minutes more gonna do you now?”
10. For when you’re trying to get laid, but the guy is failing to launch.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: “What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?”
If you still need some more Kubrick in your life after reading all of these classic quotes from the filmmakers greatest villains, read more about life on the set of The Shining . Still got time? Also check out this mindblowing video which intercuts James Stewart with iconic moments from the legendary directors filmography. You won’t regret it.
Tough question, but who is your favorite Stanley Kubrick villain of all time?
The day someone green-lights a Marvel Zombies Ghibli film directed by Xavier Dolan is the day I will be happy. Any day now…