We all accept that movies have plot-holes sometimes, even if it does drive , but what we cannot forgive is movie titles that make no sense.
Film titles don’t even have to be a full sentence, yet time and time again, filmmakers and distributors alike have devised nonsensical names that have nothing to do with the plot or even directly contradict the film itself.
Whether it’s because horror tends to be made on a lower budget or whether the genre’s craziness just shines through sometimes in the title, horror movies tend to fall afoul of this problem more than most. Need some examples? Have no fear. That’s what we’re here for.
1. The Conjuring (2013)
The sequel to James Wan’s The Conjuring is , reminding us how effective horror can be when handled right, but there’s something about that title which doesn’t sit right with us.
The story of the first film revolves around a witch who haunts a house where she sacrificed a child before she died. At what point does anything get conjured? It would have made far more sense to name the movie after Ed and Lorraine Warren, the paranormal investigators whose cases form the basis of the franchise.
Alternate Title: The Haunting… The Witch… Ok, we see why they went with The Conjuring now.
2. Without Warning (1980)
Without Warning, the film where two teenagers go camping and an old man warns them not to go.
The film features a low budget alien attack by the lake which makes far more sense than that title ever could.
Alternate Title: With Warning
3. Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
The title to this cult classic sounds fairly ominous, especially with the Spanish word thrown in at the beginning. The mystery of this unknown word adds the title plenty of gravitas — unless of course, you can speak Spanish, like most of the earth’s population.
Translated directly, ‘manos’ is Spanish for ‘hands’, so the title of the film is actually Hands: The Hands Of Fate. Yep.
Alternate Title: The Hands of Fate. No need to try so hard.
4. The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia (2013)
The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia has literally nothing to do with Connecticut. There’s no way on earth that this film should have been touted as a sequel to the original, aside from the fact that they both include ghosts, but you could argue that about any film with hauntings.
The Others in Connecticut, The Orphanage in Connecticut, hell, you could even throw Casper in Connecticut in for the franchise’s fifth instalment.
Alternate Title: The Haunting In Georgia, which is sort of near Connecticut, kinda.
5. The Last Exorcism Part II (2013)
The Last Exorcism. Part II. Whoever thought they could trick us with roman numerals underestimated horror audiences worldwide, as the film predictably fared terribly at the box office.
Alternate Title: The Last Exorcism Part II: For Realsies This Time
6. Blue Monkey (1987)
Whoever thought it would make sense to name an alien insect movie after a blue primate is either a complete and utter moron or a genius savant, because that title makes me want to see the film far more than any genuine allusion to the alien creatures ever could.
Apparently, the title actually came from a random comment a child makes in the movie. The arbitrary nature of this is probably the best thing about it.
Alternate Title: Pink Giraffe,because, why not?
7. Corpse Eaters (1974)
Corpse Eaters. That must be about people who eat corpses, right? Nope. Corpse Eaters is a Canadian zombie movie that pays homage to some of George Romero’s classic work in the genre. Obviously.
Who needs basic punctuation, am I right!?
Alternate Title: Corpse, Eaters… Corpses Eating People… Argh screw it.
8. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Is this the title of the ? No, that would make far too much sense.
Instead, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter was actually the fourth instalment of the series, released back in 1984. Since The Final Chapter hit cinemas, there have been nine more films in the franchise with a tenth on the way. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking on the filmmaker’s part.
Alternate Title: Friday the 13th: Should Have Been The Last Chapter
9. The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue (1974)
An old Italian zombie movie set in Manchester was never going to be box office gold, but the entire film is actually set in the Lake District, leading us to ask the question, why bother putting Manchester in the title at all?
Alternate Title: The Living Dead Wouldn’t Touch Manchester With A Barge Pole
10. Scrotal Vengeance (2001)
At no point in this low-budget vampire story does a person’s scrotum take revenge on anyone. That’s really all you need to know.
Alternate Title: Regular Vampire Vengeance With Nary A Ball In Sight
11. John Dies At The End (2012)
*Spoiler Alert* The spoiler in the title isn’t a spoiler. John survives the events of the film and presumably lives to a ripe old age.
Many fans have wondered where the name for the film and the original book came from; Some explanations point out that time isn’t linear in the story or suggest that it’s just a big old joke at the readers/viewers expense.
Either way, it makes no sense, although we kind of like it that way.
Alternate Title: John Doesn’t Die At The End
12. Troll 2 (1990)
The Troll franchise is messed up in too many ways to count, not least because Troll 2 doesn’t actually feature a single troll. It has goblins instead. Obviously.
Apparently, Troll 2 was originally called Goblins, because, goblins, but they changed the name to cash in on the success of the original Troll. Not sure how this studio qualified ‘success’ exactly, but shockingly, their strategy didn’t work out too well for them in terms of box office earnings.
Thank god for Troll 3 then, which takes the franchise back to it’s roots with trolls, no wait, with killer plants. Troll 3 features killer plants and unsurprisingly, no trolls whatsoever. Of course it does.
Alternate Title: Goblins That Resemble Trolls If You Squint From A Distance
Can you think of any more horror movie titles that don’t make sense?
The day someone green-lights a Marvel Zombies Ghibli film directed by Xavier Dolan is the day I will be happy. Any day now…