Stop me if you’ve heard this theory before. The Wicked Witch of the West and her wicked sister witch from the east weren’t actually the villains of The Wizard of Oz. Glinda the Good Witch was! And she used sweet little Dorothy as a pawn in her wicked game.
I hate to destroy anyone’s childhood, but this is a theory that REALLY needs to be made into a Once Upon a Time storyline.
You think I’m crazy? You think this good little witch couldn’t harm a fly?
Well, climb in the hot air balloon, fasten your seat belts and hang on to your ruby slippers, because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!
1. It’s a psychotic bloodbath from the start
After Dorothy’s house drops on The Good Witch of the East, what happens? A twisted, macabre celebration of death, that’s what!
First, Glinda asks Dorothy if she’s a good or bad witch. Then, a party breaks out, full of bloodthirsty little people praising the death of the evil witch. We’re not talking a round of clapping, followed by a potluck dinner. They go all out. Dancing, singing…they might as well be dancing right on the WWofE’s body. And then, who interrupts the soiree?
2. Glinda taunts The Wicked Witch of the West
Immediately after learning of her sister’s demise, the grieving green witch confronts those responsible. What does Glinda do? She taunts her with one of the only thing the WWotW may have left that belonged to her sister: the ruby red slippers!
Instead of letting her have her sister’s slippers, Glinda poofs them onto Dorothy’s feet. Now, we have a young lady who has accidentally murdered this lady’s sister, and who is also now in possession of something that rightfully belongs to the so called “wicked witch.”
3. Glinda desecrates the dead witch’s body
What’s worst than stealing the shoes off a grieving woman’s dead sister? Making that dead sister’s feet curl up like a party favor. Showing just how many f###’s she gives, Glinda makes sure the body of the WWotE will never be recovered. No matter how many thousands of munchkins are hanging around, that house ain’t moving.
4. Glinda shifts the blame onto Dorothy
After the “good witch” royally pisses the “wicked witch” off, she goes and tells Dorothy how SHE made her mad, not Glinda. Clearly a sign of some serious psychotic serial killer tendencies. With a side of daddy issues.
5. The twisted plan is set into motion
After informing the mourning, infuriated wicked witch she has no power in Munchkinland, and to kindly shove off, Glinda proceeds to tell Dorothy to leave Munchkinland, and to go find some wizard. He is the ONLY one who can help her get home.
That, my friends, is horsh#t of a different color.
In the end, we all know that all Dorothy had to do was click her slippers together three times, and she’s back home. Glinda knew that all along, but she saw a prime opportunity to do away with not one, but two of her sworn enemies.
She is one twisted witch.
Glinda knew that the Wizard would demand the broom of the WWotW, and to get it, ding dong, the witch would have to die.
6. Glinda covers her lies with more lies
When Dorothy asks Glinda why she didn’t just tell Dorothy she could click her heels together and go home in the very beginning, what does Glinda say? That cocky, smarmy, wand-waving assbutt replies that Dorothy wouldn’t have believed her.
7. In the end? Supreme power.
With the two “wicked” witches of the east and west out of her way, and undoubtedly, the witch of the south locked away in the “good” witch’s basement, Glinda now has power over not only Munchkinland, but Emerald City as well. And we all know what too much power does to an already evil person.
Maybe Dorothy’s grandchildren will discover the truth a couple generations down the road, and throw a bucket of water on that evil, lying witch Glinda.
What do you think? Is Glinda the one who deserved the ice bucket challenge?